Undead turtles!

Lets just jump into this!
I was talking to my friends at a local establishment about how we ate alphagetti
you all know it and love it

anyways i was telling them my brother and i would have a race to see who could inhale it faster. we never knew who won because it was so close. as i was explaining it sarah states her dad eats it right out of the can. so i was like
STOP
how does he heat it up in the microwave if the can is made of METAL.
it just would not work
but then my buddy mr josh is like you have to use some sort of turtle.
ok so your holding a turtle, but what if the microwave is some how able to shoot out some sort of lazer and fuze that turtle to your hand!
i know super cool. but some how getting the turtle to fuse to your hand will give it some sort of super powers.
no no nononono not just regular superpowers.
but Grant what are regular super powers?
-strength
-speed
-healing
-wolverine claws

none of these.
nononono this turtle that is fused to your hand will shoot out smaller turtles. SNAPPING TURTLES
that will latch onto nipples and other very tender parts of your body up to but not excluding ears, nose, elbows, armpits and the groin area.

i think that would be super cool super power.
even cooler if when it transformed it gain a bandanna
orange
and i will name him micheal

Update:
here is a pic that my friend made for me.Renee (sorry i dont know how to do the e thing)