Pockets

Ok so if you dont know me or never met me, i am letting you know im a drinker.
well on weekends at least.
it would seem that i pick up some random objects when i drink. I guess i have a fascination with collecting things when im drinking. so i decided to record what i just empted out of my pockets.
-empty de monte peach cocktail juice box
-half used bottle of hand sanitizer
-3 pennys
-3 quarters
-2 loonies
-1 toonie
-1 one hundred dollar bill
-a bill for a hat
-2 golden tickets
-a golden bottle cap
-one pen
-my keys
-zinger phone(i lost mine i guess)
-15 cents of canadian tire money
-a lighter.... i dont smoke.
-ear plugs
-a die.
-peice of black tape
-i scrunched up napkin. it seems un-used
-half of a plastic fork, spoon or knife. no top part.
-3 pop can tabs
-elastic band
-some lint.


and thats it.
well i dont remember picking up half the stuff here, but im sure i had a reason for keeping what i kept.
until next time.

jello. from shooters to fighters

ok i wanted to do this "blog" thing in full force but right after my last post my PC decided to take a nose dive into oblivion. and she stopped working completely. but i have found temp means at that moment so now for my nonsensical rant!
The other day, i went to a kegger.
if you know me that is not strange at all. but this one was different!
how could it be different than other, university thrown events that you go to like flip cup, beer pong, and random shit breaking.
well first i showed up already SHITFACED. to what point i dont recall.
but i was promised Jello wrestling. like not me wrestling in the said jell but like girls. so i had to be there!
SO
i went there with my two super awesome amigos. Zing and Kristen.
hang on i missed a part. let me start at the start.
ok so i live right by a boston pizza, so me and allie, sarah, connor, and my parents, and renee was there too. but yeah they have schooners there, its like a super awesome tall glass of beer, if you drink 100 you get your own super awesome glass with your name engraved into it. so i ovi had to have 2. then after we birdman the waiter.(ill disscuss this on a later note) and leave a good tip we head back to my place. this is where there where trays of jello shooters waiting for me. so waiting for zinger i decided i was going to make a tower of empty shooter cups, so after a try of about 30 i was allready feeling good. so thats the start of my Jello filled night.
back to heading to the kegger.
i learnt that i can jump over bike racks, garbage cans and small shrubs with ease. railings not so much.
but so we get there the kegs taste awful. i mean god awful. they got cheep stuff i know but they got the cheep cheep stuff which is pretty lame if you ask me, but thats all i remember about the beer. so anyways nearing the end of the night some girls finally got into the jello fighting, with tonnes of horny university males chanting on, at first i was like ok theses girls are OK but then i found my calling. i noticed someone scooping the jello and putting in back into the pool.
if there where a real job like that i want it.
so i decided that
A. i get front row seats to the action( CHEA!)
B. i can use this to pour it on the girls
so thats exactly what i did, grab buckets of overflown jello and poured it on the girls who where fighting for the hearts and mind of the guys at that party. sure i got some jello on myself from being that close. but it was worth it.
but then zinger pointed one girl who wanted to fight but didnt want to go into the jello and get dirty. so i waited untill she was walking with her back towards me and i went to throw a bucket on her. In my hast i forgot that the ground was covered in slippery jello and i slid into the jello and nearly droping the large bucket on my self. but karma works in strange ways, with the last girl distracted by my inebriated ass. another girl tackled her into the pool. then i jump up and proceded to do my job. people cheered and i was a hero, and shortly after that is when i blacked out, but i had a recipt for a sub at subway so im sure i had a good night from there on.

and that's my story about jello

Sleep dep?

so this past weekend i decided to work a metric shit tonne of hours and just get my self sleep deprived. so i came up with this theory at work
What if we could train monkeys to do grunt work like clean up around the work place.
i know that's a great idea!
WRONG
sure, at first it would be fun. hey lets miss treat the monkeys. come up with some slang to put them down and degrade them. yeah lawls would be had.
but.
then you will get Peta or some other pro-hippy bullshit to make sure that the monkeys would have equal rights and shit. saftey packages, health benifits, you know shit like that. then before you know it they become members of society.
ok. so they are member, but not equal members. sure they dont get whipped or throw their dung around anymore but, they are getting up there. before you know it monkeys are union reps, they are owning corner stores, selling stuff at flea markets, then it happens.
Monkey for president
yes thats right, it will escalate to this BE WARNED. then all the stoner and idiots that think it would be funny to have a monkey as president would vote for him. then before you know it BAM he gets in. Riots would happen all over the world, monkey uprising countrys would be over thrown by our fesses throwing brethren and before you know it, this world we live in. this earth would just be another planet of the apes.

SO
to any mad scientists or just crazy scientists, trying to train a monkey to talk and take orders. PLEASE for the love of god and all things holy stop your work. you have no idea what kind of snowball effect that this will have.


but long story short. i believe it is necessary to get adequate sleep when working long hours and drinking all night.
that be all.

The Perfect Glass

For the longest time, the best drink to me was pop. in a glass or right from the bottle.
it wasn't until i started drinking i actually found the perfect drink.

Cranberry juice
i love it.
cold, warm it does not matter.
how it starts off sweet but like life ends with a bitter, almost sour taste in your mouth.
but i love it in a tall glass filled with ice, so when you take a drink its chilled to the point where the bittersweet flavour come out!
cant wait for tonight so i can have a nice glass of Cranberry and vodka .

Laters

So it Begins

Well being unemployed, broke and bored out of my skull, i have decided to start this blog.

so here goes, ill start with 50 things about myself.
1. Life experience 21 years
2. I stand 6 feet tall
3. I am a Reservist in the Canadian forces
4. I have some experience in most trades
5. I love watching the food network
6. I drive a Classic '93 Buick Regale custom
7. Chuck Palahniuk books are an obsession not a hobby
8. At times, I'm a Dick.
9. But I'm the best damn dick you know.
10. I hated the Beatles for the longest time. then across the universe came out.
11. I believe zombies can be real one day!
12. Pestering people is a talent I've developed over the years
13. Feet. hate them, mostly my own.
14. I get teeth envy often
15. ...on that note i have OCD about Brushing and mouthwash.
16. And flossing.
17. I still live in my parents basement.
18. I do not remember owning a bed.
19. Still haven't Figured out my one good talent.
20. Drinking is my Pasttime.
21. Along with drinking i like going on adventures.
22. I love late nights but hate mornings.
23. breakfast is the best meal of the day
24. I love to play sports but hate watching them.
25. In school the only thing i was great at was football and lunch.
26. I have a memory of a goldfish.
27. Randomly just go for long drives just to get away.
28. My land speed record is 160kph
29. I have the best family that anyone can ask for. including you sarah
30. I love Coke-a-cola but hate pespi
31. The only candy i crave is the cadbury eggs and the odd laffytaffy bars
32. eating candy hurts my teeth.
33. I haven't seen 50% of my friends sober.
34. Drunk texting almost always turns out bad for me.
35. im emotionally awkward.
36. I don't know how to handle children
37. But at anytime ill go hang out with Austin, my 5 year old neighbor
38. Not a cat person. not a dog person. I'm a fish person.
39. I read twilight because i thought it was going to be a kick-ass vampire vs werewolf book.
40. took me untill the end of the first book to figure out it was a love story
41. I have thrown 4 live grenades in my life
42. I put cheese on a lot of things
43. at the movies, im the talking guy.
44. im also bigger most of you so you never say anything.
45. i love Zom-Rom-Coms. like shaun of the dead and zombieland.
46. i have driven a m113 armored APC
47. I want to go overseas and fight in Afghanistan
48. im known to break things.
49. i dont have many nice things because of #48
50. Just started a blog.

yupp thats about it.
laters